Have you ever told your child if he takes the frog out of the water he will die, so don't ever do it again, and the very next day, he does just that? Do you spend most of your day following your toddler around cleaning up mess after mess? Has potty training become frustrating or you've heard so many bad experiences you don't even want to try? Does your child spend more time creating mischief than helping you? Do you avoid taking your kids to the store because of tantrums and stress? Do you feel like your toddler does everything EXCEPT what you tell them to do? If any of these things sound familiar...welcome to the Toddler Years. I wanted to share a book with you that when I "APPLY" its teachings makes all the difference in the world to my sanity. The book is called "What to Expect..The Toddler Years". I love this whole line, there is one for expectant mother's I followed every month while I was pregnant and it was SOOO helpful.. "What to Expect..When you're expecting" I have now graduated to the Toddler Years and last night, after my children took the frog...(oh yes, that was my kids) out of its tank to I'm only assuming "see if it would really die", my reaction when I luckily saw the frog flopping around was not a calm and pleasant one. My reaction did not teach them about what they were so curious about, either wanting to actually touch and hold their frog and learn more about it, or teach them about death and what really happens. So I grabbed them and apologized for losing my temper and put them to bed, then I went to my room and grabbed my book "What to expect..The Toddler years" and read and read and most of it I had read before but I found out last night that I need to be reminded sometimes daily how to react and understand my toddlers. These books go through EVERY stage in a toddler's life and what to expect and the best way for you and your toddler to handle and react to each situation, from not wanting to eat what you've cooked to potty training, starting preschool, hitting, sibling rivalry, tantrums, going to the store, not wanting to leave a fun place, getting out of bed, not wanting to go to bed...etc. etc. Any problem you've encountered or will encounter with your toddler, it details why it's happening and how you should and should NOT deal with each one. So this morning I actually made the time to ask them about their curiosities and "Teach" them what they wanted to know. Wow...what a difference, they opened up and started asking question after question about their froggies and why would they die, and it felt so much better to teach them than to yell at them. So when I went to the book last night and read about the exact issues I was having, here is what I learned about this one small example in my toddler's life......
#1 - Toddler's need repetition of rules, partly because they are not able to retain everything, they also may not understand the reason for the rule, they are in the process of learning from you which rules are important and which are not based on your consistency of following through. They also learn by example, if you ignore your toddler when he's trying to tell you about the important bug he just saw on the windshield while you are driving, don't be surprised when he starts ignoring you when you tell him to do something he finds no interest in. If you have too many rules, they will rebel and ignore all of them because it is too overwhelming for a 3 yr old to be perfect. If the rule is too complicated...i.e. Clean your room - they won't know where to begin, we need to give specific instructions, one at a time, pick up your clothes on the floor and put them in the dirty hamper, then pick up your cars and put them in the blue bin...etc.
#2 - I gave them NO special time yesterday. Now that I think about it, my day started at 6am and after I got home from church, started dinner, cleaned up dinner, started dessert, cleaned up dessert, got them ready for bed, went on the internet to send emails and "EXPECTED" them to do something constructive when I've given them no one-on-one attention all day and didn't give them anything constructive to do while I was getting emails, and got upset that they found their own exciting thing to do...hold the frogs...while I was paying them no attention. Lesson...Think before reacting...most times it is due to our schedules, expectations and demands as parents that our children do things that bring us more stress. Toddlers especially at this age are learning a mile a minute and need constructive tasks to direct their energy to. If you leave them to find their own tasks, they will, just don't be upset if it was not something you want them to do, when you didn't offer them an alternative.
#3 - Look at the "INTENT" - did my children really intend to kill the frogs? No, their intent was that they like the frogs and wanted to hold them, you hold and play with things you like. When your child takes something from a supermarket, we should never say "don't steal" that is a label and would indicate the child's intent was to steal, at 2 or 3 they don't understand what stealing is. We should kindly tell our child that we have to pay for things at the store before we can take them home - and have you and the child take the item back nicely to say here you go, we just learned that we need to pay for things before we take them. And remember, repetition may need to happen for kids to understand and make sure that they won't get away with getting mom to buy it if they take it without asking or get away with keeping it if we get all the way home.
#4 - This is all NORMAL behavior for a toddler. And we are constantly in teaching mode with our children, they are learning how to behave from us, if I continue to yell at them every time they do something I don't like, they will end up yelling at me, their siblings, playmates and eventually their kids when they are upset. I need to be the example I want my children to be. I LOVE this book and recommend it to everyone who has or will have a toddler, and they probably have a teen book as well, another teen book I've heard is excellent is the Parenting Teens with Love and Logic.
#5 - I'm going to go back to old habits over and over again, don't beat myself up when I react the wrong way - this is just another great teaching moment to let your toddler know that even mommies and daddies make mistakes and to be quick to apologize to your child when you did something wrong. This will teach them that if they make a mistake....which they'll have opportunities to make many, that it is not the end of the world and if you apologize quickly, they will learn to as well with every relationship they have... You don't want your kids to feel like they have to be perfect at the age of 2 in order to get your love and attention, that is unrealistic and will cause your child to rebel. We need to give them attention and opportunities to explore and be scientists and I love this book because it puts you in the mind of your child to realize that wow, they have needs and wants to? That when my child stops every 2 min along a walk to look at a piece of grass or a bug, the walk shouldn't be about just me and my exercise, but I should include some scientist exploring in there for my child as well? You just see things in a whole new light and realize you have a whole new little person who has wants, desires and feelings that need to be allowed to be expressed in good healthy ways.
#6 - Water Frogs are not the best pets for a curious 2 and 3 yr old especially in their room. Again - I expected too much from them. They just have to sit and watch, can't touch, can't hold. The consequence is still being carried through, the frogs are going back to the store because I told them the next time they tried to take them out of the water, that is what would happen because I'd rather take them back to the store than have them killed, and I have to follow through. I'd rather them learn a lesson through frogs than to try and kill a puppy or kitty because they didn't think I was serious. Kids also need plenty of options to try again, so we will get a puppy someday...maybe Christmas..we'll see. If anyone knows of any Shorkie's (Shitzu & Yorkie mix) for free or under $300 let me know!
Beauty @ 6 months!
11 years ago
